today i’m thinking about happiness.
it has occurred to me lately that if i can’t learn to be happy now, i never will be. mostly what has spurred this on is my car. my dear little crappy car, whose frequent visitor as of late is the “Service Engine” light. if i can’t learn to be truly happy with my old junkie car, i don’t think i’ll be happy with a new car (even if it is a Civic Hybrid). it’s weird logic, and maybe it only works for me, but hey.
so in the genre of happinesses for me, i believe there are two categories. i call them my Big Happiness and my little happinesses. there is only one Big Happiness for me and that is GOD. yep. i’m one of those. i like to think i’m this little swallow and GOD is the big eagle. you know when you see really big birds in the sky with little birds annoying the hell out of them? usually it’s the buzzards that you see, and while i’ve never actually seen a bald eagle flying around with a little pesky bird, i just can’t bring myself to compare GOD to a buzzard. so…it’s me, the little swallow, and GOD, the eagle, only while i may think of myself as a bothersome pest to GOD, he doesn’t think of me that way. good thing, too. so that’s my Big Happiness. GOD. and all my little happinesses come from him, and he is the reason that i can be ultimately happy.
now. my little happinesses. the tiny insignificant things in life that can either drive you insane or make you thank the Big Happiness. there are so many of these, so i’ll just talk about the things that made me happy today.
one of the pluses about having a crappy car is that usually, as crappy cars generally go, they don’t have air conditioning. mine does not. on hot summer days when i’m driving this usually results in unfortunately located sweat spots on my clothing. and when i get out of the car, people either think i’ve been lactating, crying, or peeing my pants. and today was no exception. but i didn’t think about the sweat. i thought about the breeze blowing in, the cloudless blue sky, the sun smiling on my left arm as it hung out the window. i felt free, content, joyful. i’m afraid if i ever get a car with air conditioning, i will lose that feeling.
another little happiness. i decided to take advantage of the warm, but breezy day, and go to a local shopping place where there is a plaza with a fountain in the middle and benches situated around the plaza. i found a bench under the trees, next to a large planter of flowers. i pulled out my ipod and clicked it to Bright Eyes, a favorite indie band of mine and another little happiness, and watched the kids playing in the fountain. it was perfect. some people are afraid to be alone. i am not. i was beside myself with contentment. i did not feel alone (probably because of my Big Happiness), and it was just nice to listen to the music, that strangely seem to keep in sync with the laughing, running kids, feel the wind sift through my air. while i was sitting there something touched my fingers. i looked down and found a tiny yellow leaf had blown off the nearby tree and lodged itself between my hand and leg. i was almost giddy, a child again. another little happiness from my Big Happiness. i smiled and tucked it in my bag to press in a book or my Bible later.
the longer i sat there the more i thought about little happinesses. i will end this post listing some of them:
sound of cicadas, leaves crunching beneath my feet, trees, the smell of old books and libraries, the feel of burning muscles, camp fires, strumming guitars, painting, thunderstorms, and hiking.