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on love

oh gee. where to start.

this mystical, magical misunderstood thing we all search for.

Society (and of course, by society i mean those shamefully guilty-pleasure movies to which we girls all flock) says that finding love is making the right choice, finding the right person.

but i beg to differ.

love is not making the right choice. it is simply making the choice.

“For God so loved the world…”

why on earth (or HOW on earth) could we ever see ourselves as the right choice for God? He is perfect. so wonderful. if anything, he made the wrong choice in choosing us. we who can never, ever love him as much as he loves us. we who whore ourselves out to anything and everything. all the freaking time. i’m not sure i could deal with being married to someone who didn’t love me as much as i loved him.

so take it from God and choose love.

it is not easy, it is messy, it is painful, it very well may go against everything you want or could ever hope for.

but that’s love.

 

i hope all my blubbering makes sense, and that you can sift through the muck to find what i’m trying to say in my heart.

i am so grateful for the One who made the choice to love me, despite my un-rightness.

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rainy days and wednesdays always get me down

yeah, i know that’s not how the song goes. and i’m not actually “down”, per se. alright, so sue me if i wanted a more creative title than “it’s wednesday and i can’t think of a good title because…well, a lot of things actually.” wow. did i actually go on that long? and i’m still doing it..

it’s been a busy last few weeks. lots of working, traveling, saying goodbyes, emotional drainage, yada, yada. my dear sister, her husband, and their 3 small children are moving to the DC area next month. i am so heartbroken!

ok…so i guess i am down.

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magic

so today i saw a boy riding a unicycle while walking two chocolate labs. yeah. it was awesome.

finally found some black and white 620 film for my vintage Argus Super Seventy Five (circa 1958). i’m terribly excited to get out there and start shooting. next week i’ll have the perfect photo opp. as i’m heading up for a visit to my parents. lots of lovely trees and rustic barns to capture. i’m hoping for some sunny days since i currently do not have flash bulb for the camera. apparently they are dangerous, or so i’m told…

new pillow = no more sore neck. i am ecstatic. i guess it just goes to show that expensive does not always mean better. this $8.99 Target Bamboo/Cotton pillow is so showing up the $30.00 department store one i’ve had for a couple years.

blue skies today and no snow. had March weather yesterday. hope that’s over now.

i’ve been watching Lost for the first time. i’m addicted. i’m on disc 6 of season 1. it’s soo good. but there are a lot of things that bug me. mainly, if there are 48 survivors, why do we only know about the lives of, like, 10 people? that has always bugged me about tv shows and sitcoms. but it just seems even weirder when it happens on a deserted island…

buds opening in the forest undergrowth. it looks like green mist seeping through the trees. love it!

and that’s my magic today.

you?

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Jesus nirvana

i’m sure that with this long hiatus, many of my readers have flown the coop. not that i had that many readers to begin with…

but here i am again, nonetheless. who knows for how long i’ll be here again…or how long my next blog hiatus will be.

i’ve had a rocky few months.

but i have discovered so much more about grace. 

i don’t say that to mean that my rocky few months have been spent cussing like a sailor and drinking like a fish, and therefore i needed the grace of God. i need grace ALL the freakin’ time. because whether i’m doing “big stuff” or “little stuff” (how in the heck did we come up with a sin ranking system?) without Jesus, i’m a miserable little shit before God. period.

i remember my professor in college telling me that the way to be saved is not praying a prayer to ask Jesus in to your heart. it’s the understanding of God’s grace through Jesus in our lives and our total need and dependence on it, and only it. not in what we do, but everything about what He has already done.

the past few months God has revealed himself to me in ways that are mindblowing and inexplicable (or unexplainable?). living in a total God moment and feeling the grace that can only come from him at a time when i needed it the most. and there were no doubts, no questions, no nothing. except for pure, childlike wonder and innocence that God had lifted me up and given me the strength to get through a really tough day.

i used to be the kind of person who thought i needed to read my Bible and pray every day and read Spiritual books and shop in the Christian bookstores so that i could make God happy.

and i’m in no way down-playing those things. they are great. and important (maybe not the Christian bookstores so much…)

but if i try to “get it right” for God, it will never, ever be enough.

i guess i don’t know what else to say. everything is coming out sounding cliched. but how do you explain Jesus nirvana? once you experience it, you know.

and this is not just some mountaintop experience. this is real. this is God. all the time. whether i’m having the worst day or the best day. it doesn’t change. God loves me. just the way i am. where i am. what i am.

so whatever a worthless pile of doo doo you are, it doesn’t matter. Jesus thinks you’re pretty awesome. let him forgive you, and then forgive yourself.

 

and that’s all i have.

 

off to a Lost marathon, matcha green tea, and perhaps some chocolate.

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busy signal

busy. so very, very busy.

sigh.

and i’ve lost my writing inspiration.

but I thank God. because He is God. and He is the only One who will get me through this busy, busy time.

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tonight…

i am:

listening to Calexico

thinking about the ruby red grapefruits i got at the grocery store today. mmmmm.

watching Big Love (season 2). Mormons totally fascinate me.

feeling totally disconnected from God, and the rest of the world, for that matter.

enjoying the warmer weather

striking yoga poses…and failing miserably.

still in my PJs.

feining for a road trip.

missing a friend.

swimming in antioxidants. thank you pomegranate juice and green tea.

hitting a wall somewhere.

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owl be seeing you

i have owl fever. it’s true. i’m craaazy for them:

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Quir-Keys Owl Key Covers from www.presentsofmind.tv and iPop Clicks magnets from www.boygirlparty.com

i only wish i had enough keys for all of these owls!

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