riding on the blandwagon

lately i’ve noticed that i’ve lost my edge. my flavor. my saltiness.

it’s like i’m on a spiritually low sodium diet.

there is not much distinction in how i live compared to people who haven’t yet experienced the grace of Jesus.

and i’m wondering…am i being too free in my freedom in Christ?

there is not a day goes by that i am not thankful for grace and forgiveness. but am i just a user? do i need to get straight?

i think i’m desensitized, and that makes me sad.

at this point, the thought of trying to jump off this speeding “blandwagon” scares me. i think i’ve invested too much of my life riding on it. i’m like one of those trees that grows around a close object so much so that the object becomes embedded, just another part of me. and you just know it’s going to hurt like hell to get it out. i was walking through a sheep pasture once when i saw a tree that had grown over a strand of taut fence wire. the wire ran through the tree like the tree was just another fence post. it was pretty neat in that context. but in my life, not so much.

anyway, i’m not really looking for a solution. just talking outloud. internet-speaking, anyway.

i definitely want to change. but maybe not enough to do something about it.

sorry if that shocks you.

does anyone else ever feel like this?

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