Buffets: Terrorizing America One Steam Table at a Time

if terrorists really want to destroy america they need look no further than the good ol’ american buffet. (or “barf-et”)

buffets have always baffled me- people are willing to pay $10 a person to gorge themselves on an unlimited supply of gross, fattening food kept just barely warm. on top of that, patrons are not asked to wash their hands before handling the serving  utensils. it is good to know that the food is safe from a violent sneezing attack from anyone over 5 feet, though.

the funny thing is that people put up the healthy facade and start out with a big plate of iceberg lettuce, ranch dressing, croutons, and a few cherry tomatoes thrown on for merry measure. then it’s on to the white flour dinner rolls, fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy (or mashed starch and boullion flavored grease). and don’t stop there. you need at least one more plate of chicken before getting a piece of cheese cake and some soft serve ice cream (made from powder and water, by the way).

so terrorists, put down the bombs and instead buy a steam table and a food vendor’s license. you’ll soon have america crawling right into your lap. you can kill her slowly and painfully with cholesterol, refined sugar, and the germs on uncle frank’s perverted fingers.

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